Social Gracious

Cave Mommy

The other day we succumbed to Chic Fil A, as I pulled away from the drive thru and into a parking spot to get Diva and Eddie's meals situated Diva had a random question. 

"Mama, are houses an invention?" Diva

"Yes, someone had to invent houses, before that, people lived in caves, or wherever they could find shelter." Me

"Mama, so you had to live in a cave?" Diva

"No, no, Diva, all my life houses were invented, we even had indoor plumbing; Mama has never lived in a cave." Me

"But Granny and Grandad, they lived in a cave, right?" Diva

"No honey, Granny and Grandad never had to live in a cave, there were even houses when they were little, but please be sure to ask them that question when we visit them, they will think it is funny." Me

I know kids have no concept of time, or history, but when they ask things like this it really brings it home. The whole world is an open book to them, full of possibility, to my daughter, I could have been a cavewoman or the Queen of Sheba before she was born.

Cave Mommy

The other day we succumbed to Chic Fil A, as I pulled away from the drive thru and into a parking spot to get Diva and Eddie's meals situated Diva had a random question. 

"Mama, are houses an invention?" Diva

"Yes, someone had to invent houses, before that, people lived in caves, or wherever they could find shelter." Me

"Mama, so you had to live in a cave?" Diva

"No, no, Diva, all my life houses were invented, we even had indoor plumbing; Mama has never lived in a cave." Me

"But Granny and Grandad, they lived in a cave, right?" Diva

"No honey, Granny and Grandad never had to live in a cave, there were even houses when they were little, but please be sure to ask them that question when we visit them, they will think it is funny." Me

I know kids have no concept of time, or history, but when they ask things like this it really brings it home. The whole world is an open book to them, full of possibility, to my daughter, I could have been a cavewoman or the queen of sheba before she was born.

Baked Cauliflower with Cheese and Garlic Recipe

Usually when I travel I leave meals I've prepared beforehand in the frig for UberGeek to take out, pop in the oven, and heat according to the directions printed on their lids.  Unfortunately, I have been relying on frozen vegetables for the sides.  You know the kind I'm talking about, they come in a giant plastic bag at your local Costco. UberGeek has grown wary of this and recently asked for a vegetable tutorial.  In addition to teaching him to steam fresh veggies I decided to ask friends to send me their favorite baked vegetable recipes.  Hill Pal sent me this really awesome one for baked cauliflower.  I doubled it and spread it out in three dishes, ate one and froze two for UberGeek later.  It's FANTASTIC!

Hill Pal’s Baked Cauliflower with Cheese and Garlic

1 head cauliflower 
2 cups Monterey jack cheese shredded
¼ c. grated Parmesan cheese
¼ c. milk
¼ c. plain yogurt
garlic powder, salt, black pepper

1.       Wash, rinse and break cauliflower into florets

2.       Toss cauli with jack and Parmesan cheeses

3.       In small bowl mix together milk, yogurt and ½ tsp garlic powder, add salt and black pepper to taste. 

4.       Pour milk mixture over the top of cauli

5.       Place all in an 8x8 Pyrex sprayed with nonstick spray, cover and cook at 375 for 35-40 min. 

Tips:  If you are not calorie conscious you may use heavy cream instead of the milk mixed with plain yogurt, I found the milk yogurt mix delicious though.  Also, stirring the dish about halfway through helped coat the cauli with sauce and cheese.  If you would like your dish to have a browned, roasted look, remove the lid about ten minutes before it is finished cooking.

Download Hill Pals Baked Cauli Recipe

Airplane Travel Tips and Etiquette

Have you flown lately, or are you planning to in the near future?  If so, I've got a few suggestions to prepare you or answer those lingering questions from your last flight.

1. Be familiar with the TSA rules and guidelines BEFORE you enter the checkpoint security line.  TSA has a helpful website with loads of good information that just might help you avoid the enhanced patdown. All the passengers standing behind you will appreciate that you are armed with the knowledge that yes, you have to take your belt off, yes, your coat has to go in that plastic thingie, no you cannot take your giant bottle of water through security and YES we know you just paid $3 for it. 
2. If you are traveling on any plane that has two seats or fewer per row it is considered rude to recline your seat. See the picture above for an explanation of why this is so. You just may thrust the tray table belonging to the person in front of you into their abdomen and do permanent bodily harm.  I spent most of the flight in the above picture attempting to uncross my leg. The exception to this is First Class, there are only two seats in each row, but there is plenty of room.
3. Bring your own snacks, except for Southwest, and maybe JetBlue, you may, or may not get a soda and you are certainly not getting a free snack.  The charge for snacks will be astronomical, $5 for a package of almonds, for example.  Stop by Starbucks  or a convenience store on your drive in, and purchase some of their nuts and popcorn snacks inexpensively, yes, food can go through security. The exception to this is First Class, where snacks and drinks are free and plentiful.
4. Airplane mode on your device is still not OK during takeoff or landing, turn off your device as directed.  Airlines don't recognize Airplane mode during takeoff or landing.
5. NEVER, EVER use the pillows or blankets on a plane, the only exception is if the blanket is still sealed in plastic, assuring it has been laundered.  Airlines launder their blankets infrequently, sometimes as inoften as every 30 days.  Bring your own pillow and blanket combo, US Airways offers a cute Nap Sack for $7 with a pillow, blanket, eye mask and ear plugs on every flight, a great deal.  Jet Blue also offers a similar option, or check out Amazon for more options.
6. If you are sitting in the bulkhead row (no seats in front of you) you will need to put your carry on in the overhead as well as your purse as there is no storage in front of you.
7. Wear slip on shoes with socks, makes getting through security easier.
8. Stop complaining that the overheads are full, that is because you paid $99 for your ticket that used to cost $200 and the airline has to make money somehow.  To save $50 you crammed a roll aboard full of stuff instead of paying to check a bag and so did everyone else on this plane.
9. Be prepared!  Here is what I pack in my backpack/laptop bag:

                Mini pack Kleenex (for yourself or your seatmate)
                Mini pack Clorox wipes
                (they very rarely clean the surfaces of a plane in Coach or First)
                Mini hand sanitizer
                Ear plugs
                Immodium (um, yeah, hello, you are stuck in the air)
                antihistamine
                decongestant (great for popping ears)
                ibuprofen
                band aids (2)
                mini Neosporin
                All meds: Bring 1-2 capsules place them in a sandwich bag in original blister packs.

All of these things are helpful for you, but they are helpful for your seatmate as well; there is nothing that can ruin two hours in the air faster than a seatmate that needs a tissue, or worse, an Immodium.  If the baby two rows back starts screaming, you will be oh so happy you sprung for the ear plugs.  When the indeterminate yellowish substance crusted on your tray table appears, you will thank me when you whip out your Clorox mini pack (available in the travel section at Walmart)!

Stay tuned for a post about traveling with babies and kids.             

 

 

If I Was a Man

If I was a man, I wouldn't be compelled to justify my reasons for accepting a really good job offer for twice the amount of money I was making, that also happened to require travel.  If I was a man, I'd be a breadwinner, not a homewrecker.  I hear loads of comments, "I could never do that" "Wow your husband is really great, is he OK with being Mr. Mom?"

Well guess what, I wouldn't have married an incompetent asshole in the first place, not that having a partner who travels is for every family.  My husband is the bomb, and even when I was a stay at home mom, he avoided calling me when I went out to ask me stupid questions.   Because we are a TEAM, we are equal parents, he's not a moron who I have to step in and save because he doesn't know how to parent.  He's a really smart guy, and guess what, that means that my daughter's hair might not be perfect, but he knows how to operate a barrette even if the art of the ponytail escapes him.  Guess what else, when I go out, my husband isn't babysitting, because you can't babysit your own kids, a babysitter is someone you pay to take care of your kids, parents don't babysit their own kids.

If I was a man, I could go to the Middle East for 6 months and you would say it's patriotic, not abandonment.  I could work for a pharmaceutical company and pull down 6 figures times 2 and you'd say, "how nice that your husband does so well." But because I'm a woman you pity me and wonder how I could possibly leave my kids for sometimes 3 days at a time.  I do it because it's for my whole family, it's because if I sacrifice for this one year, my family can have some financial peace for as long as we can plan, I do it because my husband has been doing it since we met and it's my turn.  Also, I'm secure that my husband is a good parent, just as good as me, as long as the clothes are laid out, I do bath and hair blow outs before I leave. This is the right choice for our family right now.

I don't say anything when people (sometimes my family or friends, and often women) make comments about my choices.  I know they mean well but it hurts.  I know they would never make the same comments if my husband had a similar opportunity.  Somehow because I'm a woman I am held to a different standard and I know it, but it still hurts me.  I love my kids with all my heart but this is a year I am giving for their future and really it's not that hard.  In return I got an extra day a week at home with them, I was finally able to take off at the holidays for the first time in two years.  I plan to take off an extended period of time during the summer.  No, I don't see them about three nights per week in the flesh when I'm travelling, but when I'm home, I'm home, no work, I can take them to school, pick them up, hang out, whatever I want.  I am not scared to stop and brush Diva's hair or chat with their teacher, lest I be at work at 8:05 instead of 8:00, I'm my own boss as long as I honor my appointments and commitments.

How do you judge other moms?  Do you judge men by the same parenting standards as women?  Do you hold the genders to different standards? Why?

Welcome Back

 It's been a while, I know.  I was talking to a friend recently and she asked if I was going to start blogging again.  The truth is that I always intended to come back to it.  I love writing, it's part of my release. I wanted to be a professional writer, but both parents pointed out the unlikely prospect of a reliable income.  Turns out that a career as a mental health provider also was similarly a fast track to poverty, even with a license and a Masters degree.   A lot has changed in the last three months, there is a lot to catch up on and I'll try to be brief.

Since August I quit my full time job, became an independent healthcare consultant and a frequent traveler.  In general I'm much happier, for a lot of reasons that would take too long to go into, but I'll probably get to them in later posts. I might talk more about healthcare stuff in my posts, I hope you are interested!  What a hodge podge, all the advice about blogging says to have a niche on your blog, not sure what kind of niche parenting/life/marriage, healthcare, travel and cooking is?  You can vent in your comments.

I've gained some things, and have had to give up some others.  For the first year since my kids were born, I bought cupcakes from a bakery for their birthday party, and you know what, they were good! I still love to cook, but sometimes letting other people clean my house or bake the cupcakes gives me more time with the people who mean the most to me.  That probably seems like an indulgent thing to say, most people can't afford to buy cupcakes or to have someone clean their house twice a month.  I struggle with that, but I also don't want to spend 3 hours I could be playing Mancala with Eddie Haskell or Barbies with Diva, on my knees scrubbing a bathroom noone in the house notices is clean but me.

I've watched UberGeek, who I've long known is an amazing husband and father, step it up to a whole new level.  If I go out of town, when I get home, I am telling you, the house is clean, sheets changed (although he admits this is because the dog sleeps on my pillow when I'm gone), laundry done, and school newsletters set out to read.  Just the other night he told me he now understands why I always wiped down the kitchen and straightened it every night, "Otherwise it builds up so fast."  I love that man.  

There have been a lot of new challenges along with the benefits, but I'll get to those.   

 

Chili Powder Sea Salt Popcorn Recipe

One day my microwave popcorn just tasted weird to me, then I made the mistake of actually reading the ingredients on the bag.  My advice to you, if you want to continue enjoying microwave popcorn don't read the ingredients.  We decided to start popping our popcorn the old fashioned way and this is our favorite recipe!  It sounds weird but it is DELICIOUS!

3 Tbs Canola Oil

1/2 Cup Popcorn Kernels

Chili Powder to taste

Fine Sea Salt to taste

Heat the oil in the bottom of a heavy bottom stainless pan over medium heat (I use my All Clad 6 Qt Stock Pot), empty in the popcorn kernels and place the lid to the pan on top.  Pick up the pan by the handles and swirl the contents around to coat kernels.  As popcorn pops occasionally pick pan up and shake.  Popping will slow as it completes.

Take the pan off the heat/burner, and allow a crack in the lid for steam to escape, do not remove until popping has completely stopped. When you have removed the lid salt popcorn with Fine Sea Salt to taste and shake on Chili Powder, stirring as you add Salt and Chili Powder to mix and coat.

Enjoy!  This is our favorite Friday night recipe.  You can also substitue Olive Oil for some of the Canola Oil, I usually do 2 Tbs Canola and 1 Tbs Olive.

A Visit to a Florida Cattle Farm

 
Cracker the Cow

We received an amazing invitation a few weeks ago, to Disney World you ask?  All expense paid trip to Costa Rica sans children?  No, sillies, to a friend's family cattle farm just a couple hours away in rural Mount Dora, Florida.

Three families met up early on Saturday morning at a nearby shopping center to caffeinate, pick up supplies at Publix, and caravan to Mount Dora.  Although it's only a couple hours drive, it might as well be a world away.  We turned down a long, sandy dirt lane, hoping the minivan wouldn't bottom out and require us to be towed.  Thankfully, we made it to the farm at the end of the lane.  

Children and adults struggled from the confines of minivans and SUVs and headed straight for shade trees, lounge chairs and picnic tables.  The kids were happy to be running around in the grass and dirt without the constant supervision required in suburbia.  There was even a little one room building with a bed and table inside that the kids called a play house, although it was really a full size guest room separate from the main house.  They got to feed two resident horses a carrot which didn't seem to compare to being able to run around free and relatively unsupervised.

At lunchtime, we shared a picnic feast, and got ready for the main attraction, the cows.  My friend 1.0's mother in law occasionally raises calves by hand, bottle feeding them if they have problems eating from their mother.  The result is a whole lot of cows who grow up really happy to see her.  She has an entire baby picture album of cows she has raised.  The photos show cows lazing about on front steps, eating from bottles and just generally seeming like domestic pets.  They even know her vehicle, a Jeep Cherokee, which we got to take a tour in.  

The "Cow Tour" consisted of 4 adults and 4 kids piling into the Cherokee, old school style.  Kids were sitting on laps, standing and wedged in every which way.  Mind you, we were never actually on a road but driving around the farm, very slowly looking at cows.  The kiddos looked at me wild eyed in amazement, having never been in a moving vehicle without a seatbelt or carseat.  As we drove around the farm, cows approached the Cherokee.   The favorite cows, typically those who had been raised as pets, came running toward us at a pretty quick pace.  We had a bucket of cow treats with us to sweeten the pot; we dared all of the kids to taste one, but none would.  

Once the cows approached the Cherokee and saw we had treats, it was all over.  I personally loved feeding them; I put my hand out and a cow would stretch her big head toward me, sandpapery tongue out, and lick up a pellet.  The only downer was the slobber, cows really slobber a lot.  Thankfully 1.0 was prepared with lots of paper towels; you could tell she's done this a few times before.  Most of the kids tried at least once to feed a cow, and one or two got a little overwhelmed by the giant heads stuck in the window, deciding they would just watch.

The day went by really quickly and before we knew it, it was 4 in the afternoon.  Time to pack it in and head back home to suburban life.  Two cranky, whiny, "are we there yet?" hours later we arrived.  I have to say I miss the shady trees, the fresh air and especially the cows.  I am also extra grateful for the good people in my life who make everyday wonders, like feeding a cow from the window of a Jeep Cherokee, possible.

HO-MADE BBQ Sauce

Tonight I headed to the grocery store to pick up an onion and a bell pepper to make some baked beans for tomorrow's trip to the farm.  I also needed some barbecue sauce for the recipe and as I peroused the many sauces available I came across this, Pat's HO-MADE brand BBQ Sauce.  'Nough said!  Really, need I say more?  I absolutely had to buy it.  I see it is made by a canning company in Florida; I have a strong desire to write them and ask if their company supports a community rehabilitation program of some sort.  Sometimes it really is the small things that make me happy.  I brought it home like a bright, shiny trophy for UberGeek, "Look, it's HO-made!"

A Late Night Call About Papa

The phone rang at just before 11 one night this week; it was my sister.  We have reached the age where phone calls after ten are usually not good.  My sister asked me if I was awake, then she asked if UberGeek was nearby, then she asked if I was sure I was awake; I'm almost never asleep before 11PM.  I wanted her to spit it out but didn't want to be rude and interrupt, I knew what was coming in a sort of awful way.

My mom had called her; my Papa had a major brain bleed, they thought this was going to be the end.  Papa also suffers from leukemia, diabetes, and has had several prior strokes over the last few years.  Still, until the last six months he was very sharp and had been doing quite well.  Over the last day or so my Papa has been made comfortable and he is headed home with palliative care.  I am thankful he will not have to spend the rest of his time in a hospital.

UberGeek and I had been alternating making the trip up to Virginia to visit every so many weeks.  We both noticed a decline in Papa's level of functioning since Christmas.  He used to look forward to my cooking and always took an interest in going outside on the porch.  During my last visit, he slept most of the time and I could not get him to go outside at all; he hardly ate anything.  I guess I knew it was coming, I just didn't anticipate that it would be this soon.

Papa was my grandmother's second husband, her first, my mother's father, died before I was born.  Although he was not my grandfather by blood, it isn't blood that makes a relationship.  My grandmother says that she was dating him when my mother was pregnant with me and she told him he had to marry her because I was going to need a grandfather.  If you knew my grandmother, you'd know there probably wasn't much point arguing with her.  During my high school years I lived with my grandparents for over two years and we were very close. 

Sometime soon my grandfather will probably leave this earth; his body has been failing him now for quite a while.  I have many good memories though, and I believe that he will have a new life he won't need that body for.  I pray that my grandmother, who suffers from the cruel disease of Alzheimers, will be able to join him and leave behind the prison her mind has become.  Although I'm not really sure how that will work out since she has her first husband too; I'm guessing all that stuff is small potatoes where they are going.

 

Grandma, Papa and Me