Social Gracious

Greek Pasta Salad Recipe

I have a few easy recipes to share for the hot summer that is already upon us. They are those staples that I rely on to bring to picnics and summer parties on the lanai. This first one, please don't tell anyone that it starts out with a box. Invariably someone asks for my "recipe" for this and is shocked when I tell them how easy it is.

Greek Pasta Salad Recipe

2 boxes Suddenly Salad Classic pasta salad mix

1 container grape or cherry tomatoes cut in half

2 small cans sliced black olives drained

1 container crumbled feta cheese

Prepare Suddenly Salad as directed (be sure to use Olive oil as the oil) then add the tomatoes, black olives and feta cheese in and toss. Serve to your unsuspecting friends and relatives and pass off as your own homemade creation.

Designed by Lara Full Service Web Design Company

Designed by Lara Full Service Web Design Company

Total Ripoff

So, this is the first time I have ever said anything negative via the web. However, in early February I paid for a custom blog design by Designed by Lara which cost me quite  a bit of my discretionary savings. Thinking back I should have done the design myself but I am pretty skimpy on time and I used my money I had saved from teaching on Tuesday nights to pay for it. Rapport with Lara seemed friendly and I was hopeful for my new design. We went back and forth with her needing different images and having questions. Then in the beginning of April she requested more images from me. I sent them and then a week later began asking for a preview of the design which I still had not seen at all. I did not receive any response at all.

Weeks later I sent a dispute for payment to Designed by Lara via Paypal requesting my payment back. Unfortunately because I paid using my checking account and not a credit card and it was past the number of days for dispute I could not receive my money back via Paypal dispute. I emailed Lara to let her know that I would be contacting our attorney. I received an email back from Lara's VA (don't know what that is) stating that someone in Lara's family had been ill (I will not go into the details out of respect for her family) and it was a very rude email to me. Basically telling me that it was childish of me to threaten Lara with an attorney. Mind you this is after I had no contact from her for weeks. Any job or business requires you to have a backup plan if there is an emergency. You still have to let your customers know how they will be taken care of  if you have an ill family member. You don't take their money and disappear. The email further stated that I could receive a snail mail refund for part of my payment, but not all since Lara had "started" on my design. Mind you I had NEVER seen even part of it and it had been almost three months.

I later received an email from Lara stating that she could process a partial refund, this was at the end of April. I have never received it, nor any further correspondence. I would not recommend her services as this is not a dependable or consistent company. Not to mention I am out several hundred dollars, due to my own stupidity. My UberGeek is aghast since I am usually very savvy when it comes to this sort of thing. However, I was tired, not wanting to do it myself and wishing for a new design. I've learned a hard lesson.

If you are looking for a new blog design, look elsewhere. Designed by Lara is not your best bet.

UberGeek is NOT on the Social Media Bandwagon

I am an unabashed user of Social Media. Like other technology tools I find that it can be both useful and engaging within the right parameters. For my family it has provided a way to get in touch instantly and share pictures, updates, stories and schedules. At work, I often speak with colleagues about why they should care about Social Media. So many people feel that the purpose of Twitter is to share when you're drinking a latte. Really, no one cares if you are drinking a latte, it's about having conversations and providing something of value to people that share common interests. 

I work with Microsoft SharePoint as a trainer and web designer; I learn new things all day long just from the posts tweeted out by my favorite SharePoint Tweeters. I never even have to go hunt for these great pieces of knowledge, they are delivered directly to my stream on my iPhone or on my desktop. Since I am involved with Social Media professionally I also receive lots of interesting Social Media news and articles from people I follow, all without ever searching myself. Often I will Retweet this material so that my followers have access to this information as well. If it piqued my interest they might want to read about it too.

 
Image by Matt Hamm

Now for the value, since I tend to read a few blogs daily and stumble upon useful information myself, I share that with my followers on Twitter or Facebook. It's my return to them for providing me with so much great stuff all day long. There is of course, a little of the personal as well, the fact that it was raining and the only umbrella I could find was my four year old son's Thomas the Train one on my way out to meet the ladies for dinner had to be tweeted.

Because I use Facebook, Twitter, blogs, wikis and other participatory features of the web I am naturally excited about them. I bring that excitement home to my decidedly late nineties style UberGeek. When it comes to writing some bad ass code he is king, but I had to set up his FaceBook page for him. For months he whined and asked me why we couldn't be one of those couples with a joint Facebook page. I stared at him with horror and continued to say no. Finally, I convinced him to get up and running on LinkedIn and then Facebook and within days he was talking about the wonders of communicating with his grade school pals. "I know," I said, "I know." He still holds Facebook at arm's length, occasionally interacting when interacted with, but not really out there, sharing kid pictures with friends and posting occasionally.

Twitter is another animal entirely. UberGeek has much love and respect for my Twitter power but he himself eschews the application. He frequently sends me articles he thinks will be interesting to my colleagues and followers from his IEEE (this is the high society of geeks FYI) readings. He follows my stream online occasionally but mostly he avoids Twitter. When UberGeek works, he is head down, face in the monitor, cannot be disturbed, and he does not hear me if I am right next to him. Even if we are working from home in the same room, which is rare, it is as if we are both alone. He can only concentrate on one thing, intensely, at a time. I have learned that this is his style, it is also why he has to leave his desk each day for an hour at lunch time. While I may eat at my desk, I have worked in productive bursts with stops to say hello to a colleague, or read an industry blog which gives me a cognitive break. UberGeek has worked nonstop on the same page of unintelligible (to me) .net mumbo jumbo for hours and he simply must get up and out of the building for an hour.

I keep trying to convince UberGeek that he has so much cool knowledge to share that it is a shame he is not on Twitter "I prefer to be incognito" he says "I rarely even share this stuff in person." He recently traded in his ancient shift up to text phone for an iPhone so maybe there is hope.

I'm not sure why I take it personally that he does not embrace Social Media. It seems odd to me that there is an aspect of technology that I know more about than he does. I don't take it personally that I love to cook and he has no interest in that, so why the difference with Social Media? Maybe because nobody is missing out on anything as a result of his decision not to cook.

Till Death Do Us Part

Yesterday was big for us, we headed out to celebrate the joining of two lives, til death do us part. Our friends Hillary and Eric got married. She was an absolutely breathtaking bride and he was choked up waiting for her to come down the aisle. She didn't disappoint, looking radiant and thrilled to be heading up the aisle toward her groom. It was a lovely ceremony and there was a party bus complete with a beer stocked cooler waiting to take everyone to the reception.

I love weddings, they remind me of my own, although it is hard to believe that it has been almost nine years since UberGeek and I tied the knot. I am reminded of the sacredness of our vows when I hear them repeated by friends or loved ones in a church. UberGeek and I had a good sized wedding, one that we paid for primarily by ourselves. For that reason, I think that we appreciated it more. We have never regretted the investment.

So many days it is hard to have that loving feeling toward each other, kids bickering hour after hour, load after load of laundry to do, dishes to unload, a mound of ironing, baseboard to paint, bills to pay, grass to cut, garage to clean, back porch to spray, you know the drill. There are many many days I wonder how I can go on at all. Not because I have a bad husband or a bad marriage but because the prospect of the overwhelming load I carry is so heavy I am momentarily blinded by the impossibility of it all. It is like that dream where you are swimming toward the shore and it just keeps moving farther away the closer you get and you get so tired you just want to stop swimming. Do you have that dream?

When I feel blinded like that I am glad to have my wedding album and I am even happier that we had a good photographer to capture those moments. Looking at that clear, bright love we had for each other on that day reminds me of what we are still building although we are momentarily side tracked by life. I look at the albums from the early years of our marriage of trips taken, adventures had and remember that we are still the same people under our harried exteriors. I console myself with the knowledge that my children are growing older and things are getting easier, one day we will find time for each other again. Our feelings for each other never changed, we are still very much in love, the lives around our feelings changed. I miss my husband, even though he is right next to me.

IT vs. Everyone Else

Today I friended someone on Facebook and as soon as I went to their page this is the first thing I noticed:

 

I had to watch it and I started coughing I was laughing so hard. It's really what gives IT a bad name. I work very closely with our help desk staff in my position. They are very dedicated and have the patience of Job. I have no idea how they do it but they can remain calm even when trying to teach someone the difference between right clicking and left clicking a mouse. Sometimes this might take a half hour by phone. The subject in this video is of course, quite unprofessional but I think he represents what people imagine when they call their help desk. Some geeky young upstart who was happily playing computer games until your inconvenient call. It couldn't be farther from the truth in our case. Both techs at our company are women, both are patient, kind, competent and knowledgeable. They do enjoy the occasional practical joke and cubicle high jinx but overall they are consummate professionals.

There is also the notion that IT folk are condescending to non techies. This is probably somewhat true. If you call in to report that your Internet is missing from your computer and we discover the problem is that your PC is turned off, there is probably going to be a little chuckling in cubicle world when you hang up the phone. Overall though, most of us aim to spread our knowledge and passion for all things geek to others. It's true some of our heroes might not be the same as yours, case in point:

It's true that we might get all hot and bothered by things you could care less about, most of which have acronyms. Essentially though, we want the same things you do, happy home lives, enjoyable work, people who care about us and people to care about.

Alzheimer's and My Grandmother

Grandma Duck

I was chatting after work with a friend and told her my grandmother was visiting. "Oh, the one who bakes!" she said. "No, this grandmother never was a baker" I replied, "you're thinking of my other grandmother who passed away a few years ago." Truthfully, at this grandmother's house baking meant getting out the loaf of Mary Jane and using cookie cutters to cut shapes out of the slices of soft white bread. Then we sprinkled them with cinnamon sugar, toasted them and voila, cookies. I called her my Grandma Duck, simply because there were always ducks in her yard; she lived on the water.

Grandma Duck was a femme fatale, long, long legs, blond hair, blue eyes, bodacious tatas and a great sense of style. She was a good cook but it was sensible New England cooking, roasts, potatoes, baked dinners and the like. Many of my early memories include her long brown Cadillac coupe with cream leather interior. We would tool around the town in it when she wasn't working, shopping at Thalhimers, going out to lunch and doing what seemed to me like nothing but fun.

Grandma Duck was exotic to me; she and my grandfather were always taking trips to Europe, or riding camels in a desert somewhere. They owned an auto parts distributorship and worked in it together.  Papa, my grandfather, would take the orders, and my grandmother would drive around in a little truck delivering them. They earned what seemed to me like a fortune at the time, as far as I could tell they had gobs of money. By this I mean that we could afford to go out to lunch, which my parents told me was too expensive to do on a regular basis. I was used to lunches at home or in a brown bag.  We could shop and buy things at full price, and my grandmother had jewelry that sparkled. As an adult of course, I realize that they did well but their house wasn't really the mansion it seemed to me at the time and they also worked very hard together for their money as small business owners.  

My grandmother was also irreverent, a quality I had not observed in other adults I had been around previously. My mom was small, quiet, pretty and smart, my grandmother was tall, vivacious, and no holds barred. "Quit being so bookish," she would say to my mom and I. "The more you know, the more people will expect you to do" was one of my favorite things that she used to tell us. Oh, also, "Don't hurry, don't worry and DON'T volunteer." My mom and I would attempt to look like we were more fun and less stick in the muddish under my grandmother's watchful gaze. Grandma Duck taught me things no other adult would, "Yes ma'am, no ma'am, thank you ma'am please. Open up the turkey's tail and give me some peas" was her favorite grace at dinner despite being a devout Catholic. When I was at her house watching TV she would stand in front of the television set, wiggle her tush and say, "Nanny nanny boo boo!"

My grandmother's love story with my grandfather was also unusual. He is actually my step grandfather, my mother's father died of cancer before I was born, while my mother was in college. My grandmother was dating my grandfather when my mother became pregnant with me. The story goes, that my grandmother told my grandfather that he had to marry her because I needed a grandfather. Reportedly, the deal also included a blue Cadillac convertible for my grandmother to drive, we should all be so good at negotiation.

A number of years ago we noticed that my grandmother's behavior began to change, it was subtle at first. Then she became forgetful, more and more noticeably. She refused any intervention into her medical affairs which was her right. By the time my mother was able to intervene it had become quite noticeable. Her physician asked her to do some simple cognitive tests in her office, none of which she was able to complete. Draw the face of a clock, count backwards by fives, that sort of thing. Later, there was the loss of her license and that brought with it a decline in socializing at the senior center. Who would take her? My mom is still working full time and my grandmother was the only one of the "old people" who had been driving.

My grandmother's sister, Tante T., had died of Alzheimer's a number of years ago, which made it even more frightening for her.  "Is it like T.?" she would ask. "Why is this happening to me? I hate it." she still says. We hate the disease too we say, and we do. We tried to volunteer for a Mayo Clinic study for families with Alzheimer's but we needed samples from two people with Alzheimer's in our family to participate, the rest of us without could then be tested and monitored. I don't think anyone in T.'s family thought that there would be a reason to save a sample of her blood/tissue etc. for later testing. We would like to help eradicate this disease for the millions of baby boomers it has begun its steady march to disable. People who are now active who will soon certainly be unable to continue the activities of daily living on their own. The current drugs only buy you a few extra months, slowing the march of the disease only minimally we have been told.

Grandma Duck has taken several of the different Alzheimer's medicines, just in case they might slow the disease. Six months ago she could order from a restaurant menu and tell you what she wanted. Now she asks us what she orders from each type of restaurant, "what do I like here?" she will ask my mom. Grandma Duck can no longer understand the menu. She is nervous about making a mistake, cognizant of the fact that she might mistake my pajama bottoms for her own pants. Cursing herself under her breath when she inevitably does the wrong thing.

My mom tries to remain calm, and most of the time she is. It's not easy, she has a full time job and can't retire for six more years, a mother with Alzheimer's and a stepfather who has had several strokes, one good eye, active leukemia and run over himself with his truck twice, but that's another story. Oh, and did I mention that three months ago my grandparents house burned down due to an electrical fire and they are now living with my mother in a 1000 square foot cottage with two dogs and two cats?  Apparently, the insurance company and the city are not in any great rush to rebuild.  Before it's all over my mother may require a Pinot Grigio IV, STAT!

I watch with a heavy heart while this vile disease drags my Grandma Duck under its murky waters. I know that soon she will be unrecognizable as the woman I know and I to her, that is the cruelest arrow that Alzheimer's reserves in the quiver. When my mom and grandmother came to visit for Mother's Day this past weekend I only planned on taking  Thursday and Friday off. I decided to take one extra day, I'm not sure how many more my grandmother and I will have to know each other.

 

To Make a Gift to Mayo Clinic Research

Mayo Clinic's Birdsall Researchbuilding on the Jacksonville campus is home to their Neuroscience Research program where there are 14 labs.  Visit their site to find out more info about the projected Alzheimer's epidemic in coming years.

As a disclaimer, I should mention that I am a former employee of Mayo Clinic and thus hold them in the highest esteem. The views on this website/blog are my own and in no way reflect the views of Mayo Clinic.

Toy Soldiers

For Mother's Day we had four generations here visiting. My Grandma Duck (who my children call Grandmere), my mother (who my children call Mime), myself and my son and daughter. UberGeek, thankfully, put up with all of us with patience and good humor. My grandmother has Alzheimer's disease and recently she has had trouble verbalizing her thoughts. She knows what she wants to say, it just won't come out.  Grandmere is also confused when dressing herself, putting on other people's clothing or winter clothes in summer. She will fold and unfold the same items again and again. The kids love her dearly, she sits with them and watches them play, happily joining in. We have had to talk to them about not correcting her when she makes a mistake but they are gentle and seem to understand.

Grandmere lost a son, my uncle, a few years ago. He had a good life, and as he said, with a good life come consequences. My Uncle Kenny smoked and drank and that combination, we were told, is like a siren's song for throat cancer. During the time that he was ill UberGeek, myself, Diva and Eddie Haskell, just babies at the time, drove down each weekend to spend time with my uncle and his wife. My mom and grandmother were there for long periods of time as well. All of us sat around with Uncle Kenny and his wife, during the days of hospice.

Death is familiar to me, I was with my stepmother during her last stages of cancer in her forties. Although I had to go to graduate school for the final three months I went home each weekend to be with her, her family and my aunt who had also gone to stay with her. Later, I worked for hospice myself as a family counselor and really enjoyed the experience. Death is sad but it is also a time for reknitting of families, spending of time together and mending of fences. Uncle Kenny's experience reminded me of my stepmother's.

When my uncle died it was very difficult for my grandmother, she has said many times that no one should lose a child, or outlive their children. The pain is unimaginable, looking at my own children, I believe her. This weekend my mother brought with her a small canvas, zippered pouch. Inside, it was filled with plastic toy soldiers and what used to be called Indians, but they are now called Native Americans. They had been my uncle's when he was a child. My grandmother's house burned down recently and in cleaning up the rubble that was left my mother found the toy soldiers, a little smelly but intact. We soaked them in a bowl of warm water and dish detergent, rinsed, and left them to dry on a dish towel.

When the soldiers and Native Americans were dry we gave them to Diva and Eddie Haskell. I have never seen them so excited over any toys, seriously. They immediately lined them up and began playing shooting games. How they even know what shooting is I have no clue! We never let them watch television except DVDs and PBS, we don't talk about shooting or violence and they don't allow toy guns in their school. Several of their school playmates have older siblings though and you can't keep your kids in a bubble so I guess information filters in somewhere. At some point Eddie Haskell turned to his Mime and asked, "Why are their bad soldiers?" Mime said, "Soldiers aren't bad people but sometimes they have to fight because of a war." I'm so glad my mom was here to answer the hard questions this weekend.

Catnap

I was in the office doing some work when UberGeek popped his head in to tell me to come look at something, quick. This usually means someone (child or animal) is doing something really funny or cute. I followed him into the living room where I saw Carpet, our rescue kitten, on her back, stretched out with her front paws over her head. Laid out, maxin and relaxin. It's good to be a cat. She heard us approach and changed position but this is still pretty freakin' sweet. I want to be a cat sometimes.

Do It Yourself Stained Concrete Floors

The Renovations Continue

Again I have been absent from you readers, but not without good reason. Our master bedroom has been the final frontier for a very long time. It suffered in silence with matted down builder beige, original carpet. Threaded through with dog hair and dust, we long ago gave up on it. Our other carpet we have replaced with hard wood or tile. We have wanted to get rid of it for so long but we have tightened our purse strings of late and so more hard wood is out of the question.

In the last few years more and more restaurants and retail outlets have been making use of stained concrete floors. They are attractive, durable and practical. We really like the look but never thought it was something we could do ourselves. Then someone told us about DC Surfaces in downtown Jacksonville. We called, then took a trip out to their showroom. Their salesperson, and a do it yourself customer with pictures of his last project on his phone, convinced us that we could do it. We picked up the materials, which cost less than $300 and headed home.

Honestly it wasn't totally goof proof. We mixed the overlay too thick, so we ran out Friday night and had to buy more. That slowed us down by a day which meant we couldn't seal it until tonight. The steps are basically, two layers of concrete overlay, two to four layers of spray on acid stain, neutralizer spray/scrub/vacuum then seal. All this is over about a three day period.

Applying the Overlay

 
After the Neutralizer

 
Applying Sealer
The sealant brings out the color and richness

Ta da! The sealer has to cure for a few days before we can move furniture back in but we are essentially done. UberGeek and I love do it yourself projects and this was probably one of our favorites. Not a lot of money, big impact and relatively little time compared to putting in hard wood, which was AWFUL. I anticipate it will be a great surface for dogs and cats, although we will probably have to put down a throw rug or two for our tootsies in the winter.