Social Gracious

Play That Funky Music White Boy

Tonight after swim lessons UberGeek wanted to take us all out to celebrate my annual review at work.  We were pretty bedraggled overall, so our options were limited and the kiddos were demanding hot dogs. The best ever hot dog spot, Hot Dog Hut, was getting ready to close up for the night so we had to settle for Orange Tree.  Not exactly fine dining but I didn't have to cook. 

On the way home we had to stop and pick up the Subaru.  As we pulled into the parking lot UberGeek noted that the flag at the preschool was still flying.  "Aren't they supposed to take it down each night?" I asked.  "Yeah, that was my job in elementary school, sixth grade" he replied.  "I had to play Taps at night and something else I can't remember in the morning." 

UberGeek's abandonment of his musical talent always saddens me.  I imagine him serenading me with his trumpet and dream of family sing alongs while he plays the piano.  "I haven't played the trumpet in twenty five years, I wouldn't remember how" he says dismissively.  I try a different tack, "What if it injected more passion into our marriage?" I whisper loudly in the minivan idling in the empty preschool parking lot.  "What if it made you more attractive to me?"   "You already find me attractive" comes the reply, with the sarcastic grin I know so well.  I give his parents the utmost credit for imparting in him a healthy sense of self esteem.  "Why can't I convince you to do things you don't want to do anymore?" I aim at him as he begins to ease himself out of the minivan.  By now the kids are laughing and saying, "Play the trumpet daddy, play the trumpet!"  UberGeek just grins at me and I kiss him as he escapes to the waiting getaway car, maybe this is not the end of the discussion.

Just Another Day

Last Thursday was a typical day for me, but it just goes to show you how crazy life can be with a career, two kids, hubby and a hobby. 

6:00 Shower, dress, get kids started on cereal, set out their clothes, put on makeup, dry hair. UberGeek applies sunscreen to the kids, supervises them getting dressed and groomed.

7:10 I was out the door, UberGeek takes the kiddos to school since the school is on the way to his company and his schedule is flexible. 

7:25 Pull into the parking lot and Eureka, a spot in the gated lot!

7:30 I arrive in cubeville to start my day.  I hold off on a first coffee until 9 when my coffee break pal has settled in and finished her preliminary duties.  The we slink off to the break room to whip up a coffee and breakfast.  Then it's back to the desk until lunchtime.  I had a meeting scheduled for 3:00 with some really energizing colleagues, it was both productive and fun, score! It also ran over. 

4:35 I was grabbing my bags and sprinting in heels to the boonies lot since I lost my gated spot at lunch.  Usually I like parking farther away since it increases my weekly steps taken but I wasn't liking it that day. 

I had to make it to the kiddos swimming lessons. Getting the kids on Miss Page's schedule is like getting an appointment with a gastro doc at Mayo, it ain't easy, there's a wait and you better not miss! The reason is pretty much the same, Miss Page is top of her game.  Anyhow, before leaving the parking lot I texted UberGeek that I was on the way, he had already picked up the kiddos and headed towards the beach to the lesson.  I arrived and UberGeek had gotten there a few minutes early, the kids were already finished with lessons. 

5:15 leave swimming lessons and drive Diva to ballet while UberGeek takes Eddie Haskell to get some dinner, just the boys.  While Diva is in ballet a group of ballet moms and I head over to Crabcake Factory to split some hummus and wait for our ballerinas.  

6:30 Diva exits ballet, we head home and play for a few minutes before getting the kids ready for bed. 

7:30 Kiddo bedtime.

8:00 Superfuzz arrives and we head off to run a few miles, we only get in three but it feels good to blow off steam. 

8:45 I make us all strawberry shortcakes and UberGeek, Superfuzz and I sit around chat, and talk fantasy football until she heads home.

9:30 Shower

10:00 Lie in bed, try to read a few pages of my book, fall asleep.

6:00 AM Repeat

The Saudi Embassy Chocolate Cake

Not long after college, UberGeek and his friend Hairy Mike landed a gig developing the biometric security system for the Saudi embassy in Washington DC. Neither UberGeek nor Hairy Mike had experience with biometrics or security systems but they were both electrical engineers, newly graduated from college and the company they worked for had the contract. Basically one day their boss came to them and said, "we bid for this contract and we got it, can you guys do this?" Always up to a challenge, they said, "sure, why not." Then they set about reading everything they could about biometrics, security systems and other stuff I am not smart enough to detail in any intelligent manner.

They worked days and nights at the embassy developing the fingerprint security system meant to allow access to the embassy as well as to restrict access to certain areas to only select staff. During the time they worked there they got to know the Saudi staff very well and enjoyed a good relationship with them.  When at the embassy you are pretty much in Saudi Arabia, they follow the customs of their country and UberGeek enjoyed the experience. 

Security was tight at the embassy, ambassador HRH Prince Bandar bin Sultan was sometimes there, as well as other Saudi officials and royalty. One morning, around 10AM, UberGeek could not find Hairy Mike anywhere despite searching for him high and low. Finally he went to the security control room and asked the staff if they had any idea where he was. Security commenced to scanning the numerous cameras in the embassy. They checked everywhere on the fourth floor with no luck. Finally, they checked the cafeteria, where a lone figure sat. The Saudi officer panned in closer, then closer, until finally a blond head came into view, obviously engrossed in the plate before him. It was Hairy Mike with a giant piece of chocolate cake, savoring every bite. Everyone in the control room roared with raucous laughter to see the lost American found, eating his cake.

Hairy Mike is the godfather to our children and he still loves chocolate. He finished the Saudi embassy gig, most recently he was traveling the world determining power load requirements for security systems in US embassies. Making the world a safer place for chocolate cake lovers everywhere.

It's National Marathon to Fight Breast Cancer Time

 
After the Run
Water, Sweat and Fun

Well, not really marathon time, but time to start my annual training with a couple hundred of my closest friends for the National Marathon to Fight Breast Cancer.  This week I ran with a couple of my best running pals, Snow White and Caron who writes Tales from the Road. It was like a reunion, I had missed the first two runs, the first since I was out of town, and the second since I had a cold. It was really great to be back. There really no way to explain what it is like to train for a marathon with a group of people over a six month period of time, they become some of your closest friends.

After the five mile jaunt, Snow White and I were sitting around drinking a coffee when she mentioned that the group she was leading was in need of an additional group leader. She also showed me her tattoo, a tiny little 26.2 on the inside of one heel. I had already heard about the tattoo from Superfuzz, who was envious, and the tattoo truly was magnificent. I looked at Superlegs, also sitting across the table, who leads another group, and who is another running buddy. I said, "If you'll go and get a tattoo with me like Snow White's then I'll volunteer to be a group leader this year." Superlegs looked me back in the eye and said, without hesitation, "You don't have to ask me twice." Some chat followed about tattoos and the best place to get them, then I told them I would have to double check with UberGeek about both the tattoo and being a group leader before I could be certain.

Upon my arrival home, I gathered up my courage and approached UberGeek who was returning home from Eddie Haskell's soccer practice. "I know how we can save $90!" I said. "Is it by spending $1000?" he asked sensibly. It was then that I explained that if I gave up my Saturday mornings for the next six months (as I have for the last two years) that I could get free marathon training this year. UberGeek thought for a moment and said, "If you really want to be a group leader you can, but do you have to set up water at like 4 in the morning? Because that would suck."  "I don't think so," I replied, "but I could volunteer just to set up water for the runs near where we live" I suggested.

I waited a few minutes, then I brought up the tattoo. I expected more of a bru ha ha about that, but I should have known better, my always fabulous, calm, patient and unflappable husband asked why, and then gave a sort of "Oh" sound and that was that.  So it seems my love affair with the half marathon and occasional trysts with the marathon will continue.

If you live in the local Jacksonville area and are interested in joining me to train for the marathon, please visit the Local Jacksonville Training site.  If you live in another area check out this site for training programs across the United States.  Anyone can go from non runner to marathon runner in six months, really.

Living Will, What's the Beef?

I know there is a big hub bub brewing right now regarding advanced care planning. I'm not sure what the deal is, everyone should have a living will, and carefully consider advanced care planning. I am thirty five years old and I have had a living will since I was twenty five. I'm healthy, fit and have no serious health conditions, and tomorrow I could be hit by a very large bus. For the sake of my family and my physician, I want my wishes for care known in advance so my family won't be put in an even more difficult position. I don't want my family making the wrong decision because they love me too much to let me go. I want to be allowed to die if there is not hope for me to recover. They don't have to decide whether I would wish to live in a persistent vegetative state, kept alive artificially, because I have already made it clear that I do not.

I also name my husband as my healthcare surrogate so that it is clear that he is the person I wish to make decisions for me in the event that I am incapacitated and cannot make them for myself. That is particularly important. Although I would never anticipate a family feud, I do have a sister and a mother, and perhaps they wouldn't necessarily agree with what my husband decided upon, however, it's my decision ahead of time to choose him to make decisions for me. Remember, that if you do not designate a surrogate this is not necessarily clear.

As I age I will update my living will regularly, and if I become chronically ill I will consult with my physician to be sure it reflects those changes. If I am affected by a terminal illness I expect to speak with my physician frankly about my life expectancy and treatment options. I have seen physicians treat patients with chemo when they had crumbling bones full of mets, simply because the patient asked them for it. I want to know when it's time to call the treatments finished and head to Disney World with the strap on morphine pump. I am hoping for a long, long life without incident but I am prepared.

When I hear of senior citizens and the elderly who are against having a consultation with their physician about advanced planning paid for by Medicare I don't really understand. I certainly understand not agreeing with the entire Health Care Reform bill but what's the beef with page 425? It doesn't require you to have a Living Will, it just requires the consultation to be paid for every five years. Trust me when I tell you that you want your physician to talk frankly to you about advanced planning. The alternative to doing your own advanced planning is having others, and not necessarily those you would choose, do it for you when it is too late.

Eat Up Downtown

Eat Up  Downtown

You know how I adore a bargain! So imagine how I feel thinking about seven whole days to enjoy three course meals in downtown Jacksonville for $25.00? This is the third annual Eat Up Downtown event and diners are revving up their culinary engines to sample everything they can from August 17-23. No coupons to clip, no tickets to buy, just you, a date if you wish and a great meal.

I prefer to imagine myself in really hip clothes stepping out of an immaculate, sexy sports car and then having a leisurely drink at a trendy bar beforehand. But that's my fantasy. Probably I'll be slapping on some lipstick and apologizing to the valet about the state of the minivan.

There are twenty restaurants participating including Morton's, BB's, and one of my faves, Chew. Plus so many more great places, old favorites and hopefully some new. Some restaurants prefer a reservation so you may want to preview the menus on the Eat Up Downtown website and call the restaurant you intend to visit ahead.

The Good Twin Maker

In general I would say UberGeek and I do a good job with discipline. We watch Supernanny after all, have a sticker chart we faithfully review with the kids each night and do our best to encourage positive behaviors. I've gotta tell you though, there are some nights that I tell my kids they are going to make me change my mind about corporal punishment. Usually this occurs at the dinner table.

I get home around 5:45 or so, dinner needs to be on the table around 6. Typically UberGeek has already moved the thawed dish into the oven to cook by the time I get home and all that is left to do is prepare a salad. I get a chance to say hello to the kiddos, ask them about school and then command them to wash up, set the table and get ready for dinner. Then a transformation occurs. My normally well behaved children become infected with the sillies. The sillies as anyone with a preschooler knows, are extremely annoying to the human adult. They are even worse when two preschoolers are within eyeshot of each other.

Getting my kids both at the table for some reason means the sillies are in full effect. Diva is called upon to say grace. She prefers to sing it and suddenly she screws up her face into "silly Diva face", her voice changes and she gets a devilish grin. "God our Father, God our Father" begins but with a giggle in the throat and a silly look on the face. UberGeek, although mild mannered really likes civilization at the table. He gets "the look" when the grace becomes silly that says he is near to raising his voice. I wait in anticipation for him to totally lose it. I raise my voice all the time but when UberGeek does it, things are serious.

"Grace is nothing to be silly about, you will not be disrespectful to God at the table." Ah dinnertime with two preschoolers, so relaxing. Probably 25% of the time someone gets sent to time out and we can still hear them being silly, sitting on the naughty spot, calling like a siren to the child still sitting at the table who grins and giggles, lured into silliness by the "evil twin".

UberGeek reminds me that our nephew was the kind of silly that drives parents to drink the large bottles of cheap Chardonnay and he turned out great. Now he is fifteen and a great kid, helpful, smart, an honor student. He has a close relationship with his grandparents and is always helping out when he visits them. All things that should indicate that we will survive this stage and that our children will probably turn out OK too.

Still, some nights I long to abandon our sensible discipline plan for the more primal "good twin maker." The wooden spoon brand of discipline doesn't require thought about effectiveness, changing behaviors or any of those things, only a satisfying whack when there is an offense. I often tell my kids "y'all are going to make me change my mind about corporal punishment." I'm sure they don't know what I'm talking about but it helps me to imagine I still have the option. UberGeek just grins and we do our best to get through another night, trying to enjoy the times when the kids are pleasant and anticipating bedtime when they're not. I know they'll outgrow the sillies, I just hope we survive them.

The Traveling Crab Cooker

The Traveling Crab Cooker

Whenever anyone talks about visiting my in laws in their home on the Northern Neck of Virginia on the Corrotoman River the first thing they speak of fondly besides my in laws is the crabs. Every weekend during the summer my in laws steamed crabs and Silver Queen corn on the cob in a big pot outside. Then everyone would go out on their huge screen porch and sit on a picnic table covered in a roll of heavy paper and crack crabs, eat and drink lemonade. Afterward, I would usually pass out on a hammock on the back porch, this was long before our children were born when rest was part of my life.

Five years ago my in laws sold the dream home they built and retired in; it was a difficult decision. Although it was the perfect home for them it was in a rural area and not near family or high quality medical care. They decided to move to North East Florida to be closer to the Mayo Clinic where they receive medical care. Their new home is beautiful, navigable water front, Granddad got a new boat, it has an indoor pool and great neighbors. There is just one thing, the crabs in Florida are just not the same, they don't taste right. They have blue crabs but they are not sweet the way they are in Virginia, Maryland or North Carolina. Don't even get us started on the whole garlic crab thing, ick.

After five years my in laws decided to pass the torch, the propane kind that is. We were headed up to Virginia for a quick family picnic on my side of the family. On the way back home we were going to stop at UberGeek's brother's new beach home on the Outer Banks of North Carolina. UberGeek's parents asked us to take the crab cooker with us to give to his brother. We packed it lovingly into the minivan along with all our other trappings.

When we arrived at the beach UberGeek's brother fired the cooker up once more. Great big jimmies met their fate steamed with beer, Old Bay and a touch of vinegar. Even the ceremonial crab hammers with our names on them were there. Whenever a new person marries into the family they receive a crab hammer with their name engraved on the side.  Sitting there with our two families it wasn't quite the same tradition but maybe it was a new one getting started.